amitjoey
05-05 11:46 AM
Thanks EternityInLimbo for going out of your way to help the rest of us that are stuck. Not many people come back and help out with IV action items once they get their greencards.
freedom_fighter
07-05 04:15 PM
Are you insane ? Just because we don't see what IV core/other members contribute behind the scenes, doesn't mean that we should change the IV core. I was a quite member for a while and saw, what IV was able to accomplish during the July 2007 fiasco.
Yeah , i can understand the frustration, we have not seen anything beyond the July 2007 filing. How many of you've taken out on the streets, went to your senator and congress.
We are such a minority in eyes of congress/senate, that they dont care about us.
If you've any better means to do something effective, by all means create some other organization. I don't necessarily agree with what IV pushes for all the time, but so what , they are doing something atleast.
Still, if you think you've an idea or something that can cause a real impact, share it here and i'm sure IV will accommodate you. I would be happy to see the end of this legal immigration red-tape and see the end of IV for a good cause. IV core are ppl just like us, if you want to devote more time, by all means ask IV and they will include you.
Ultimately, we all care about getting the job done. End to this insane wait and red-tape.
my 2 cents
Yeah , i can understand the frustration, we have not seen anything beyond the July 2007 filing. How many of you've taken out on the streets, went to your senator and congress.
We are such a minority in eyes of congress/senate, that they dont care about us.
If you've any better means to do something effective, by all means create some other organization. I don't necessarily agree with what IV pushes for all the time, but so what , they are doing something atleast.
Still, if you think you've an idea or something that can cause a real impact, share it here and i'm sure IV will accommodate you. I would be happy to see the end of this legal immigration red-tape and see the end of IV for a good cause. IV core are ppl just like us, if you want to devote more time, by all means ask IV and they will include you.
Ultimately, we all care about getting the job done. End to this insane wait and red-tape.
my 2 cents
coopheal
07-05 01:41 PM
I contacted WI senators office and told about the visa bulletin changes.
Also called WPR to highlight the injustice done to legal immigrants by changing the visa bulletin on the day USCIS was supposed accept the I-485.
Also called WPR to highlight the injustice done to legal immigrants by changing the visa bulletin on the day USCIS was supposed accept the I-485.
ajju
09-04 12:28 PM
Had anybody have to send Driving License for filing extention of h1b?
I am not understanding if sending DL is an issue or your concern is just over why USCIS is even asking for it?? USCIS does lot of things in unexpected way.. so I won't be surprised...
I am not understanding if sending DL is an issue or your concern is just over why USCIS is even asking for it?? USCIS does lot of things in unexpected way.. so I won't be surprised...
more...
matreen
10-17 01:58 AM
Guys,
I have already invoked my AC21 6 months before and joined a small consulting company, after four months I had an offer from client to join, I decided to join client as full time employee and working from past two months. Planning to send AC21 document by next month including offer letter etc.,
Now, my question is I have a part time job oppertunity to work from home for couple of hours in the weekend (tech support job - pay is not that great but it helps with current economic crises).
Can I allowed to work on part time job while I am working as a full time employee using AC21? (Remember I am on EAD - No more H1)
Is that going to cause any problem to my 485 process?
Will that be OK to run two payrolls on my social 1. Full Time 2. Part time?
I would appreciate your response as soon as possible, because I need accept the offer and follow the legnthy process - background check etc.,..
Thanks,
M
Issue/Background:
It seems USCIS is not following AC21 regulations in some cases � especially when underlying I140 is revoked by previous employer � and are incorrectly denying I485 applications. As we know, AC21 regulations and related guidelines, provide some relief and allow job changes without affecting the I485 application. As per these rules if the employee changes employment after 180 days of submitting I485 application, there is no need to redo I140 even-if old employer revokes the old I140.
In recent days USCIS seems to be denying lot of I485 applications � ignoring their own AC21 regulations. A few of IV volunteers (pd_recapturing, gc4me, chanduv et al) have started an effort to address this. You can get more info on this, at this thread: http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showthread.php?t=21716.
This issue can affect a lot of us and it negates all the flexibility/relief that we acquired by getting EAD�s and advantages we got thru recent admin reform.
What needs to be done:
After some initial discussions and planning (thanks to pd-capturing, chandu, et al) it is decided to write letters to Ombudsman and service center heads to point out this and request them to correct it ASAP. Please participate and send letters. To succeed we need to send it in thousands.
Pasting the letter and the addresses below.
More info: (thanks to gc4me for addresses and letter template):
======================
Everyone please send the letter/email to 3 persons.
1. Ombudsman
2. Director, NSC
3. Director, TSC
======================
Ombudsman:
cisombudsman@dhs.gov
Mailing Address:
Citizenship and Immigration Services Ombudsman
ATTN: Recommendations
United States Department of Homeland Security
Mail Stop 1225
Washington, D.C. 20528-1225
=======================
Nebraska Service Center
Director: Gerard Heinauer
General Correspondence (Inquiries) (Sending applications or petitions to this address will delay their processing)
USCIS NSC
P.O. Box 82521
Lincoln, NE 68501-2521
NOTE: If using overnight delivery by any private service provider, send your package to:
USCIS
Nebraska Service Center
850 S Street
P.O. Box (Insert Correct P.O. Box Number)
Lincoln, NE 68508
Be sure to include the appropriate P.O. Box number on the shipping label.
Customer Feedback:
Contact:
Assistant Chief
Internal Security and Investigative Operations
USCIS, 111 Massachusetts Avenue, NW
Suite 7000
Washington, DC 20529
or email: USCIS-COMPLAINT@DHS.GOV
=====================
Director: David Roark
General
Correspondence:
USCIS TSC
PO Box 851488
Mesquite, TX 75185-1488
Customer Feedback:
Contact:
Assistant Chief
Internal Security and Investigative Operations
USCIS, 111 Massachusetts Ave., N.W.
Ste 7000, Washington, DC 20529
============================
Letter
============================
Date: Today()
To
Mr. Michael Timothy Dougherty
The Ombudsman
Citizenship and Immigration Services Ombudsman
United States Department of Homeland Security
Mail Stop 1225
Washington, D.C. 20528-1225
Re: Issues caused by USCIS not following AC21 guidelines
Dear Sir,
This is to bring your attention to the issues caused by USCIS not following AC21 guidelines.
The American Competitiveness in the Twenty-First Century Act of 2000 (AC21) allows for a change of employer on any I-485 Adjustment of Status Application that has been pending for 180 days or more, without the need to file a new I-140 petition, provided the applicant�s new employment is in a similar/same occupation.
According to the Memo released by William R Yates on August 4th 2003, the original I-140 is valid if it is approvable and form I-485 has been pending for more than 180 days. (Attached for your reference is the memo dated August 4th 2003 from William R Yates and the follow-up memo dated May 12th 2005 with relevant sections highlighted).
Due to unreasonable delays caused by retrogression, many candidates have lawfully changed employers in accordance with the AC21 statute. Even though there is no requirement that USCIS be notified after a job change, some applicants have done so to prove that they are in compliance with this regulation. If the previous employer has withdrawn the previously approved I-140, AC21 guidelines state that if the applicant has not submitted evidence of a new qualifying offer of employment, the applicant be sent an NOID (Notice of Intent to Deny) to deny the I-485 application or a RFE (Request for Evidence) . If the response to the NOID/RFE is timely and indicates that the alien has a new offer of employment in the same or similar occupation, USCIS may consider the approved Form I-140 to remain valid with respect to the new offer of employment and may continue regular processing of the Form I-485.
Over the past few months, a disturbing pattern has emerged with cases where the applicant has changed employers. USCIS has started to deny I-485applications where the underlying I-140 has been withdrawn by the previous employer without issuing an NOID or RFE. Even those applicants who have notified USCIS of change in employers have had their I-485 denied.
After the denial of I-485, the applicant has to file a MTR (Motion to reconsider) with USCIS to re-open the case. In addition to the financial burden of filing and legal fees, the applicant has to stop working because of the denial of the I-485 until the case is re-opened. This could be anywhere from a month to a few months. Needless to say, employers are unwilling to keep the job position open for such a long period and the applicant in most cases is looking at potential loss of employment. The applicant who has followed the law to the fullest extent is unfairly punished on account of USCIS not following the AC21 provisions.
This is a request for you to intervene to ensure that the AC21 regulations are followed when adjudicating an I-485 application. If the applicant notifies USCIS of a change in employment under AC21, this should be added the applicant�s physical file and electronic records. If there is no such notification and the previous employer withdraws the I-140, the applicant should be issued a NOID/RFE instead of denying the I-485 application.
Should you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact.
Thank you in advance for your kind attention and cooperation in this matter.
Thanks,
Your Name
Your Address
Your Phone Number
I have already invoked my AC21 6 months before and joined a small consulting company, after four months I had an offer from client to join, I decided to join client as full time employee and working from past two months. Planning to send AC21 document by next month including offer letter etc.,
Now, my question is I have a part time job oppertunity to work from home for couple of hours in the weekend (tech support job - pay is not that great but it helps with current economic crises).
Can I allowed to work on part time job while I am working as a full time employee using AC21? (Remember I am on EAD - No more H1)
Is that going to cause any problem to my 485 process?
Will that be OK to run two payrolls on my social 1. Full Time 2. Part time?
I would appreciate your response as soon as possible, because I need accept the offer and follow the legnthy process - background check etc.,..
Thanks,
M
Issue/Background:
It seems USCIS is not following AC21 regulations in some cases � especially when underlying I140 is revoked by previous employer � and are incorrectly denying I485 applications. As we know, AC21 regulations and related guidelines, provide some relief and allow job changes without affecting the I485 application. As per these rules if the employee changes employment after 180 days of submitting I485 application, there is no need to redo I140 even-if old employer revokes the old I140.
In recent days USCIS seems to be denying lot of I485 applications � ignoring their own AC21 regulations. A few of IV volunteers (pd_recapturing, gc4me, chanduv et al) have started an effort to address this. You can get more info on this, at this thread: http://immigrationvoice.org/forum/showthread.php?t=21716.
This issue can affect a lot of us and it negates all the flexibility/relief that we acquired by getting EAD�s and advantages we got thru recent admin reform.
What needs to be done:
After some initial discussions and planning (thanks to pd-capturing, chandu, et al) it is decided to write letters to Ombudsman and service center heads to point out this and request them to correct it ASAP. Please participate and send letters. To succeed we need to send it in thousands.
Pasting the letter and the addresses below.
More info: (thanks to gc4me for addresses and letter template):
======================
Everyone please send the letter/email to 3 persons.
1. Ombudsman
2. Director, NSC
3. Director, TSC
======================
Ombudsman:
cisombudsman@dhs.gov
Mailing Address:
Citizenship and Immigration Services Ombudsman
ATTN: Recommendations
United States Department of Homeland Security
Mail Stop 1225
Washington, D.C. 20528-1225
=======================
Nebraska Service Center
Director: Gerard Heinauer
General Correspondence (Inquiries) (Sending applications or petitions to this address will delay their processing)
USCIS NSC
P.O. Box 82521
Lincoln, NE 68501-2521
NOTE: If using overnight delivery by any private service provider, send your package to:
USCIS
Nebraska Service Center
850 S Street
P.O. Box (Insert Correct P.O. Box Number)
Lincoln, NE 68508
Be sure to include the appropriate P.O. Box number on the shipping label.
Customer Feedback:
Contact:
Assistant Chief
Internal Security and Investigative Operations
USCIS, 111 Massachusetts Avenue, NW
Suite 7000
Washington, DC 20529
or email: USCIS-COMPLAINT@DHS.GOV
=====================
Director: David Roark
General
Correspondence:
USCIS TSC
PO Box 851488
Mesquite, TX 75185-1488
Customer Feedback:
Contact:
Assistant Chief
Internal Security and Investigative Operations
USCIS, 111 Massachusetts Ave., N.W.
Ste 7000, Washington, DC 20529
============================
Letter
============================
Date: Today()
To
Mr. Michael Timothy Dougherty
The Ombudsman
Citizenship and Immigration Services Ombudsman
United States Department of Homeland Security
Mail Stop 1225
Washington, D.C. 20528-1225
Re: Issues caused by USCIS not following AC21 guidelines
Dear Sir,
This is to bring your attention to the issues caused by USCIS not following AC21 guidelines.
The American Competitiveness in the Twenty-First Century Act of 2000 (AC21) allows for a change of employer on any I-485 Adjustment of Status Application that has been pending for 180 days or more, without the need to file a new I-140 petition, provided the applicant�s new employment is in a similar/same occupation.
According to the Memo released by William R Yates on August 4th 2003, the original I-140 is valid if it is approvable and form I-485 has been pending for more than 180 days. (Attached for your reference is the memo dated August 4th 2003 from William R Yates and the follow-up memo dated May 12th 2005 with relevant sections highlighted).
Due to unreasonable delays caused by retrogression, many candidates have lawfully changed employers in accordance with the AC21 statute. Even though there is no requirement that USCIS be notified after a job change, some applicants have done so to prove that they are in compliance with this regulation. If the previous employer has withdrawn the previously approved I-140, AC21 guidelines state that if the applicant has not submitted evidence of a new qualifying offer of employment, the applicant be sent an NOID (Notice of Intent to Deny) to deny the I-485 application or a RFE (Request for Evidence) . If the response to the NOID/RFE is timely and indicates that the alien has a new offer of employment in the same or similar occupation, USCIS may consider the approved Form I-140 to remain valid with respect to the new offer of employment and may continue regular processing of the Form I-485.
Over the past few months, a disturbing pattern has emerged with cases where the applicant has changed employers. USCIS has started to deny I-485applications where the underlying I-140 has been withdrawn by the previous employer without issuing an NOID or RFE. Even those applicants who have notified USCIS of change in employers have had their I-485 denied.
After the denial of I-485, the applicant has to file a MTR (Motion to reconsider) with USCIS to re-open the case. In addition to the financial burden of filing and legal fees, the applicant has to stop working because of the denial of the I-485 until the case is re-opened. This could be anywhere from a month to a few months. Needless to say, employers are unwilling to keep the job position open for such a long period and the applicant in most cases is looking at potential loss of employment. The applicant who has followed the law to the fullest extent is unfairly punished on account of USCIS not following the AC21 provisions.
This is a request for you to intervene to ensure that the AC21 regulations are followed when adjudicating an I-485 application. If the applicant notifies USCIS of a change in employment under AC21, this should be added the applicant�s physical file and electronic records. If there is no such notification and the previous employer withdraws the I-140, the applicant should be issued a NOID/RFE instead of denying the I-485 application.
Should you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact.
Thank you in advance for your kind attention and cooperation in this matter.
Thanks,
Your Name
Your Address
Your Phone Number
ss_col
07-06 11:17 AM
Just a thought that there are other anti immigrant groups also visiting our website. We are frustrated and angry but all these comments that we are writing are also read by other people and will be used against us to make things harder. Also the general feeling is that American people dont really care or want to understand about GC. For them especially groups like NumberUSA etc want us out. So please stop feeding ideas into people's head without knowing facts. Assumptions are not facts.
more...
marwan234
08-24 01:07 PM
My wife is on H4, i'm on H1B. She applied for DL renewal and was renewed for 1 yr.
They accepted visa, passport, i-94, and H4 renewal receipt notice.
They gave her one year from receipt notice.
What a relief. i was worried they would not accept it.
That was in Sterling VA DMV.:)
They accepted visa, passport, i-94, and H4 renewal receipt notice.
They gave her one year from receipt notice.
What a relief. i was worried they would not accept it.
That was in Sterling VA DMV.:)
Winner
07-06 11:15 AM
Can you please let us know what gives you the right to call for a change the leadership?
more...
H1bslave
10-22 09:21 AM
I hired a CPA to register a LLC, but he insisted to open S-Corp. I was not confident so I told him to holdoff. Opening S-Copr doesn't seem to be right on EAD, however, I am still going thru posts tof igure right answer.
Has anyone taken any lawyer opinion on this?
I know vparam has done it. but has anyone else gone through same procedure..
Has anyone taken any lawyer opinion on this?
I know vparam has done it. but has anyone else gone through same procedure..
gc_check
03-10 08:38 AM
I would say we all need to know our status well first :) There is no such status as EAD. It is Adjustment of Status (AOS) Pending. I had done multiple refi and all I had to tell them is GC pending. They get copy of EAD just to have a reference that I am legal here at the time of application (since it has an end date). Had no issues so for.
vrbest, Who is your lender. Can you name the bank you worked with. It might help the some in this group. I have done a Mortgage and 2 re-fi in the past with no issues, but last time, I had issues with Bank of America, Wells Fargo and one other bank (don't remember name). The reason was being on AOS/EAD, They were fine with H1b, but did not understand what EAD / AOS is. It all depends on the underwriter and if he is not knowledgeable on the Visa issues, then you are done. You can't ask for an alternate underwriter. I was able to secure through a credit union though.
vrbest, Who is your lender. Can you name the bank you worked with. It might help the some in this group. I have done a Mortgage and 2 re-fi in the past with no issues, but last time, I had issues with Bank of America, Wells Fargo and one other bank (don't remember name). The reason was being on AOS/EAD, They were fine with H1b, but did not understand what EAD / AOS is. It all depends on the underwriter and if he is not knowledgeable on the Visa issues, then you are done. You can't ask for an alternate underwriter. I was able to secure through a credit union though.
more...
gsc999
07-14 08:38 PM
Running total so far $608
Good work. Let keep rolling.
Good work. Let keep rolling.
Duc1
05-20 06:14 PM
I just came across this thread. Is this campaign still on?
more...
rdehar
06-04 01:39 PM
One one hand you have folks who are getting labor approvals from BECs just now and have not filed I-140s.
On other hand you have PERM folks who have Labor, I-140 certified in 2 weeks.
Don't you think this provision is a bit harsh on those who've waited 3+ years for labor in BECs ?
On other hand you have PERM folks who have Labor, I-140 certified in 2 weeks.
Don't you think this provision is a bit harsh on those who've waited 3+ years for labor in BECs ?
pappu
09-09 08:08 PM
Contributed 100 dollars just now through Paypal.
Confirmation Number: 51X04511CD291564U.
I am a great admirer of IV and all the efforts IV did so far.
I am going to participate 100% sure in the rally. I am spreading word of mouth everyday about the rally. So far I had convinced 15 people to attend to the rally. Everyone complained that they have work on that day as I expected. However I convinced them and they are 100% sure to participate.
I am pretty confident that this Rally is going to be huge success and will change our lives for sure.
Thanks everyone for contributing so far and also convincing others to attend the rally or helping IV in any way you can. I will add up the numbers and post updates every couple of days so that we know how we are doing on the target.Thanks again for contributing. Lets try to reach our target much before the deadline. 7 days to go now.
Confirmation Number: 51X04511CD291564U.
I am a great admirer of IV and all the efforts IV did so far.
I am going to participate 100% sure in the rally. I am spreading word of mouth everyday about the rally. So far I had convinced 15 people to attend to the rally. Everyone complained that they have work on that day as I expected. However I convinced them and they are 100% sure to participate.
I am pretty confident that this Rally is going to be huge success and will change our lives for sure.
Thanks everyone for contributing so far and also convincing others to attend the rally or helping IV in any way you can. I will add up the numbers and post updates every couple of days so that we know how we are doing on the target.Thanks again for contributing. Lets try to reach our target much before the deadline. 7 days to go now.
more...
rameshk75
01-04 10:41 AM
Received an email today for AP document mailed on Jan4.
I filed AP on Aug 8th.
I filed AP on Aug 8th.
bskrishna
07-11 12:14 PM
Yes there will be dates in Oct. but will that be 2006 Jan.? That is what karanp25 means.
And answer is it probably will not be. We can look back the bulletin on May and June 2007. Are they match Oct. 2007 bulletin ?
07 case is different. we can't infer much from that. I hope DOS has some insight into the no of pending cases when the move dates like this. I am sure there will be language in the actual bulletin that saves them from flak when the move dates back. The primary aim is to utilize the visa nos. But with all the information available to them the movement should be proportional to the nos available from spillover and etc.,
And answer is it probably will not be. We can look back the bulletin on May and June 2007. Are they match Oct. 2007 bulletin ?
07 case is different. we can't infer much from that. I hope DOS has some insight into the no of pending cases when the move dates like this. I am sure there will be language in the actual bulletin that saves them from flak when the move dates back. The primary aim is to utilize the visa nos. But with all the information available to them the movement should be proportional to the nos available from spillover and etc.,
more...
eb3_nepa
07-11 11:44 AM
I dont get it for EB3 India. First they said once we get over the APR 01 hump we should be move quicker. Well guess what we DID get over that hump. Why the heck arent the dates moving at all for us?
zinchak
09-11 09:06 PM
I have also posted about this drive on boards.immigration.com
wandmaker
06-18 08:25 AM
Today's Funding Drive Requirements, We are looking for
Two 500$ heroes (EB1) or
Ten 100$ heroes (EB2) or
Twenty 50$ heroes (EB3) or
Any combination of above* Classification is for fun, no offense
Two 500$ heroes (EB1) or
Ten 100$ heroes (EB2) or
Twenty 50$ heroes (EB3) or
Any combination of above* Classification is for fun, no offense
xyzgc
02-08 01:50 PM
Hi,
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
I been a member of IV for a long time and just to keep myself anonymous for a while I created this account. I am so sorry for opening a thread in a completely irrelevant forum but I have no idea what to do. So, I request all the members to please help me by providing some kind of information.
Here is my story:
I came to US in 2002 and completed masters and been working since then. I got married couple of years ago. Whatever the monetary gifts the girls parents gave as part of the marriage, I put all that in an account on the girls name within 2 days of the marriage. We came to India and from then on the problems started. She and her parents want me to separate from my parents and support their family by sending money to their parents which I couldn't do. How can I leave my parents in their old age when they worked very hard to give a decent life. She has been harassing me mentally for this all the time. Recently her parents have been threatening me saying they will file dowry case in India if I don't send money or cut myself off from my parents. I provided for the girl in all possible ways, even encouraged her to join school to get a masters degree which she stopped soon. We had a baby recently and my parents visited us to help us with the baby. She started harassing them too by saying something or other.
I am very frustrated at this situation and I don't know what to do. I am on H1B and applied for 485 too. At times I feel like applying for divorce but when I think about my little baby I am not able to take that step. The house we currently live in, I bought long before the marriage. It came to a situation where we cannot live together. I cannot ask her to go out of the house because she doesn't have anywhere to go and with the baby even if she leaves, it will be very tough. I said I will leave the house and stay in a apartment for which she threatens to commit suicide. So, I don't know what to do. I am worried about my baby because between all this my baby's life will be spoiled and I don't want that. Can anyone please tell me what I can do in this matter?
Thank you very much for taking time to read this.
When you hear incidents like this, its always like "girls are too much". On the contrary, when we hear of wives being beaten up by "educated husbands" boys are too much. This is all silly really.
I have heard some indian females complaining all the time how males tend to dominate everywhere its not really true. In a relationship, anyone could be a dominant partner - male or female. Dominance also means responsibility and taking initiative. So its not all that bad. And it is certainly not a male prerogative!!
Your case is a clear case of "external interference". Divorce is not a solution to cases like these. Its not like you are not getting along. You relationship is spoiled due to unwanted interference. Convince your wife that you and her always come first. You cannot make your parents happy at the cost of displeasing her and also the other way round.
Stop trying to diplomatic and stop being a family-pleaser. If you don't like something, say it clear and upfront rather than pussy footing around it. I found that diplomacy does not work at all. It only sends wrong signals and eventually you end up putting a firm foot down, anyways.
Get rid of the elders from your life. It means don't allow parents/siblings from either sides to interfere at all in any decision making. Get the inputs but make it clear its a joint decision made by husband-wife and they have no say in it. Don't allow your parents/in-laws to stay with you more than bare minimum necessary for the new-born.
If it means making some career sacrifices, so be it. Its your baby and you need to take care of it finally.
Retrospect - analyze what has gone wrong. Today, you find your wife is all wrong and you are all right but when you do the retrospect you'll find its not like that, in fact its never like that. Humans make mistakes and we must accept that.
Stop sending money to parents and in-laws, if its possible. Otherwise, maintain parity by sending money in small amounts to both parents. Its stupid to say my wife is not working so she has no business to send money to her parents. Its so wrong and I'm surprised folks can think like this. Marriage is about sharing and even a child will tell you that. If the in-laws are any sensible they won't accept gifts from the son-in-law but its for them to decide.And stop receiving any gifts from either sides.
If you are in the US, don't go to your home country unless its an absolute must. I found that every time I go there family and relatives end up giving tons of unsolicited advice. The intentions are good but I have to keep saying no (diplomacy doesn't work at all) and that gets very annoying eventually.
Finally, if you have a career oriented working wife there are advantages to it. Its better to work instead of being a hopeless housewife.
Yes, it also means you can't take things for granted but that's no reason you should end up with a sweet, traditional house wife who'll no longer be that way when hopelessness sets in.
jimytomy
04-23 08:58 PM
Any recent experiences guys????
It took 10 days for me . Filed in Feb 2011.
It took 10 days for me . Filed in Feb 2011.
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